Manwa

 I want to say that I have been hard at work studying Japanese with such a passion that I could regal everyone with my new prowess, but I promised myself to tell the truth. 

I spent the last two days reading a Korean manwa called Return of the Shattered Constellation. It was fun to read if not very original. The story followed the same pattern as most of the other novels I’ve been reading recently; a man gets summoned to another world and is given a butload of powers and now has to go out and change his fate. 

Other than that it’s been the same. Manwa is fun and in some ways the stories are more interesting than Japanese manga; they are also new to me so I am enjoying that aspect. 

I promise myself to move back to other things soon. Maybe.

Making eggs

 Today I made scrambled eggs. I don’t think it’s my first time making them but I cannot for the life of me remember ever doing it before. When I asked my wife how to make them all I got was ‘Here we go again’ and an exasperated sigh. I am a bad cook. I have no confidence in what I’m doing and I need to follow a recipe to make the thing in question. 

This brings me to the exciting topic of today. I want to say I’ve spent the last few days too busy studying to blog but in truth I’ve just been lazy and working or doing housework. This morning my wife got up at 8 (I get up at 6) and took over an hour just to change her clothes. While she was doing that the TV showed a Day trader who was pulling in a ton of money everyday while sitting in front of a computer for 10 hours a day. She then had to admonish me and complain about my lack of skills and inability to actually do anything beyond teaching English when she spends most of the day sitting in front of the TV and complaining who tired she is. 

Now I don’t care what she says but it’s a common Japanese thing I’ve noticed. The housewife or homemaker wants the husband to work as hard as possible while they do the odd part time job to get some extra money and then complain that they don’t do enough. So my question is this; why don’t you try doing that? I’m not interested in day trading. I’ve tried computer programming but it is a little beyond me. I don’t mind cooking but I need a guide to follow. These are the things I need to be successful. Why don’t you do theses things? I already work about 7 hours a day, including travel, with no days off. I’m my free time I do try and improve myself but often just find myself too busy to care. 

So I guess I do care. Japan is difficult to get ahead as a foreigner. Having computer programming skills would be a big help. I’ve taken a few steps towards it but I can’t wrap my head around it. I guess that may be the next thing I should add to my skill bank to find the best possible job.

Sorry for the rant. 

Study

 Today I studied some vocabulary, watched an episode of an anime and read a few pages in a light novel. Just writing that sentence I can feel the boredom creeping down on me. That was so unexciting. 

I’m also going to read a biography of Katsu Kaishu. He is a man who played a huge role in the Meiji restoration but he’s also a man who I’ve never heard of before. He was a poor man who through perseverance and stubbornness crawled his way up to become the head of the earliest Tokugawa navy and influenced many famous men like Sakamoto Ryoma. 

When we learned about the Meiji restoration in school I think it was one sentence. In 1868 Satsuma and Choshu started a rebellion and overthrew the Bakufu starting the first representative government. It’s nice to know that there is actually a lot more to it than just that.

Day 1 What happened before and where am I going.

 I`ve been in this country for over 17 years and in that time I`ve had many experiences and setbacks. The biggest one being that I don`t speak Japanese. I have studied it on and off for over 20 years but after achieving a comfortable level I have let it go. I am sitting here at my computer wondering what happened to the dreams I had when I first came here? Where has everything gone?

When I first arrived in 2001 I wanted to explore everything. I arrived in July that year and I still remember taking the train from Kansai airport. Some high school girls took my picture when they found out I was new to this country. It wasn`t the last time someone took my picture but it has stuck with me for many years. When I arrived at my place I crashed then met my roommates later that evening. One was from Australia, the other from New Zealand. That first month I went to Nara city for Obon, saw the Daibutsu, watched the fireworks in Tondayabashi. It was a wonderful time.

After six months here I had visited many places in Kansai, gone to Kyoto, Osaka, Hyogo and even Tokyo. I had started studying Japanese and even made my first big mistake. While trying to flirt with a girl I used the word Kawaiiso which has the stem kawaii - which means cute- and the suffix `so` - which means `looks like`. I said to her `anata wa kawaiiso` which I thought meant `You look cute.` However which really means `I pity you.` I didn`t know the `kawaiiso` has a special meaning of pitiful. 

I still grew and changed as I became more outgoing, made friends and had more adventures. Tried the Japanese language test and passed. My second year I moved into my own place and deepened my studies of Japanese. I was going to about 4 different classes a week. I even went to Cambodia by myself. However soon after that I also stopped having adventures and moved into a living in the country phase which is where I`ve been for the last 16 years. I still have the odd adventure but there is no reason to explore that temple. I`ve seen many just like it. I still go out, but usually to the supermarket to get the best deals. I still read manga, but mostly online English translations because they are cheaper. I never really watched TV before but now I know many of the talent`s names.

I will say getting married was in some ways the best and the worst thing to happen to me. The best because it`s given me a beautiful daughter and a wonderful (albeit sometimes angry wife).  It`s also let me experience the small details of this country. However it`s also stopped me from doing anything adventurous because I don`t have the money. I have been working as an English teacher but that is not a huge money making job. I have tried to find something else but I know from working as a teacher that I didn`t actually like teaching in a school so I haven`t tried that hard. I`ve also published a book but I know my mother has read it. I don`t think anyone else has.

So I`m stuck. I have achieved my dreams and have been living the nice life for many years but I have no future. Where do I go from here? 

My first step is to write this journal. I`ve tried writing a blog and posted things but I can never keep it up. I couldn`t think of interesting things to fill up the page. I tried writing book reviews and I may still do that but I don`t read to write a review. I need something to show I am moving forward even if it`s just a few paces at a time. I need something the show I am still trying to improve myself and achieve a better life. Even if it`s not very exciting. 

Here I am. Warts and all. I will try and write about things that come to me, general observations about Japan, my Japanese language journey, tips on teaching English. Basically, an online journal. Hopefully it moves me out of my funk and gets me engaged once more in the world rather than just existing.